My View on the Opiate Crisis

I have been watching some of the coverage about the opiate crisis here in the US on tv. It seems big pharma has been thrown under the bus but the bus needs to back up and run over all those involved in creating this crisis. The average person does not go directly to big pharma to get their drugs. There is a middleman who is just as culpable as big pharma. In fact, without this middleman, the average citizen would not be able to get prescription opiates.

To be clear, opiates have been around forever. Morphine is an opiate. Morphine has been used as a heavy hitter for pain relief forever. When I had my c-sections, they had me hooked up to a morphine pump. I did not ask for it. I used it because they had already given it to me but soon I realized I did not need it. The second C-section, I used did not use it. I did not see big pharma at my bedside giving me morphine but it was prescribed by my doctor. Doctors are the middle men who are actually the drug pushers. For pushing certain drugs, there are also rewards doctors/hospitals receive from big pharma.

Big pharma visits doctor’s offices or hospitals bringing not only their drug literature but also free samples to get patients to take their drug, free lunches or dinners for the staff, vacations/conferences, and contests for prescribing the most. In other words, they give bribes and these bribes are readily accepted. The only ones not receiving much in the way of bribes are the patients themselves. A free sample or two is not much. It is the doctor who usually decides what brand of drug you will take because it is usually based upon what sales pitch is the strongest or in other words, which bribe is the most lucrative.

Pain relief is a big business at least here in the United States. You can walk into any store which sells over-the-counter medicines and various pain relieving compounds will take up one complete aisle. Unknown to many, these over-the-counter pain reliefs are not safe for us to take as often as is done. But that is okay as the medical community is standing by to offer their “cures” and to assist us in becoming a permanent passenger on the continuous roller coaster ride of healthcare treatment procedures. They know once you embark upon that journey, you will be a source of continued revenue.

Pain relief not needing a prescription is big business. Unfortunately, the medical community and big pharma also know that and have fine tuned their radar to profit from that information. From the moment you encounter any medical personnel from a EMT, a medical assistant, a tech, a nurse, or a doctor who are asked repeatedly about pain. They even use what they consider a universal pain rating scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worse pain ever. If you have pain or they suspect you have pain and may not be admitting to it, you can expect to get “a little something to ease the pain.” This is the middleman at work. This is not to say there is not a need for pain relief but it is overused. The medical community seems to think that giving pain relief is the most important aspect in medical care. But who is most important to–the patient or the medical staff?

Going back to the experience my husband had is a good example of how pain relief can be misused. But who was it misused by? My husband had a heart attack. He was in pain. When I took him to the hospital, he was asked what his pain level was. I had given him a couple of aspirins and put muscle rub on him to help w/ the muscle spasms. He told them his pain level was around a 7 at home but upon arriving at the hospital it was around a 6. They said they would give him something for the pain. He told them he was very leery of pain killers and refused versed/benzos. as he was extremely sensitive to their side effects. The negative side effects included but not limited to raising/lowering his blood pressure, decreasing/increasing his breathing rate, nausea, prolonged impaired functioning abilities both mentally and physically to the point where he was basically in state of inaction, lethargy, tiredness, etc. as well as having prolonged effects lasting much longer than average. Versed/benzo. has made him loose memory from events not associated w/ the versed administered period and also has permanently altered his sleep patterns. They said they could give him a small dose of morphine. They also said nitro would help with the pain too. He looked at me and I told him he should take the morphine for the pain. However, we didn’t know they decided to give him 4mg of morphine which is more than what he should have had. We also did not know that for whatever reasons this hospital chose not to record what he had said about the negative efforts pain killers and versed/benzos have on him. Once he was given the morphine and nitro, his pain level was “a 1 or a dull ache” as he told them when asked. The ER doctor made note of this. As we were sitting there for the long wait for the “quickest” (it was not the quickest as a local EMT service should have been called for ground transport but the “quickest” was their service and the most expensive means) transport by helicopter, I could tell he was not in pain. He was very subdued and deep in thought as I was. When the helicopter crew arrived (let me interject this about the helicopter team–there were 3 of them who entered the ER bay–a nurse, an EMT, and the pilot. I can see the nurse and EMT but the pilot is unnecessary and he should not be privy to the patient’s personal health information as he is not medically involved but rather the driver of the vehicle), as I was sitting there, one of them asked him what his pain level was as don’t forget pain relief is the most important thing. My husband replied it was “a 1 or just a dull ache.” According to the medical records, it was recorded as an 8. For that to be true, he would have been on the floor rolling screaming in pain like I found him at home. He was not. Again, he was very subdued, breathing w/ effort like he had been for the past few months as he had been diagnosed incorrectly (now we know this) with bronchitis. He was not in pain. Once loaded into the helicopter they gave him noise reduction headphones to wear and he said they never asked him again about pain as he could not hear anything but the noise from the helicopter as it was so loud. However, they documented 2 more times his pain level was an 8. Again, he was calmly lying on the stretcher and not screaming and rolling on the floor in pain. Unknown to him and certainly without his consent, the helicopter medics gave him 100 mcg of fentanyl. The administering of the this excessive amount of fentanyl for someone who is extremely sensitive to the reactions of this type of drug is negligent and put him on the course for his abusive hospitalization experience.

Why was this done? Why did they falsify the records? Why do they so freely give opiates such as fentanyl? My husband did not want or need the fentanyl but they gave it to him without his consent or knowledge. It is clear why he was given fentanyl. He had not consented for the procedure the hospital wanted him to have. He wanted more information and for me to be involved when he arrived at the second hospital. They did not want this to happen so they chose to drug him to make him compliant and submissive as this is what fentanyl did. He actually told them it would severely impair his functioning abilities so they did it on purpose. He was isolated from me and I could not question what they were doing. They were able to do it without him knowing it. He thought he was loosing his mind because he had no clue as to why he was feeling like he was a spectator who was detached from what was happening and did not have the ability to call “cut” or stop the action. Drugs like fentanyl and versed are used to control. It makes their jobs easier because the patient does not interfere with what they plan to do.

As he made compliant by the helicopter crew to have a procedure he did not want or consent to, the cardiac cath lab personnel was there to give him versed and more fentanyl. Although he had personally had enough fentanyl to bring down an elephant, the cath lab needed to justify the administering of more drugs so they said he was in pain. He said he was not in pain. The result was life threatening as his blood pressure plummeted. But that was okay because they got to give him other drugs to fix that. Never mind, they also almost killed him by their negligence. They also labelled this crime as cardiogenic shock rather than negligence of giving him drugs that he had told them would have adverse effects. He was a man who was having a heart attack which destabilizes blood pressure giving him drugs he had told them would also destabilize his blood pressure (they also know that fentanyl and especially with the combination of versed has the possibility of doing this too) along with nitro which decreases blood pressure in addition to having right and left side involvement. They set a course to kill him but luckily didn’t succeed. For those interested, the use of versed and fentanyl is called conscious sedation. Versed is used primarily to erase memories, to make you submissive, and to encourage uninhibitiveness (which is another way of saying that when they have you naked for no reason, you will do nothing about it). Fentanyl does reduce pain but the cath is not painful but rather uncomfortable at the most for selected periods of time. It is not something the average person could not tolerable but the US medical community likes for their patients to be drugged so the medical staff has freedom to act however they choose and you won’t interfere or remember. An interesting fact is that in Europe, they generally use no type of painkiller or sedative for angiograms/angioplasty.

What the above story demonstrates is the lengths medical staff will go to give opiates. They are indeed the drug pushers. Big pharma might be the drug lords but the medical community certainly are the street level drug dealers. They are the ones who connect the average person to the drugs which eventually the addicted person will get any way they can. They do not care about the consequences they have caused. In fact, they have found a new way to profit from the opiate crisis they helped to created. They will now treat the addiction they caused. Of course, this treatment is a very lucrative revenue stream which is the reason there is an opiate crisis. Everything is about money, power, and control. Big pharma should not be the only ones paying the price for the opiate crisis. The doctors, hospitals, and nurses knew these drugs are addictive and were being over prescribed. Big pharma did not administer the drugs nor did they prescribe them. The drug dealers did that. Most addicts became addicted to these drugs through a medical encounter. It is time for the blame for this crisis to be shared by those actually pushing the drugs. In my husband’s case, those involved in forcing those drugs into his body should go to jail to serve time for physically shooting him up with opiates he did not want or consent to having. Is this the type of medical treatment we should have in the United States where medical providers can inject you with drugs against your will and then stand by as if they are innocent in the carnage they have helped to create?

Why Patient Dignity Is Not a Concern

What is patient dignity?  According to on nursing ethics and ethical issues in caring, it is a basic human right for all and fundamental to the well-being of every individual in all societies.  This article states that “dignity is fundamental to the well-being of every individual in all societies.  It is a basic human right for all….The concept of dignity has four defining attributes including respect, autonomy, empowerment, and communication.”  This article cites an analysis done by Griffin and Vanessa that “each of the four attributes consists of several dimensions:  Respect includes self-respect, respect for others, respect for peoples’ privacy, confidentiality and self-belief and belief in others.  Autonomy includes having choice, giving choice, making decisions, being able to make decisions, competence, rights, needs, and independence.  Empowerment includes a feeling of being important and valuable, self-esteem, self-worth, modesty, and pride.  Communication might be verbal or nonverbal and also includes explaining and understanding information, feeling comfort and giving time to the audience.   What is patient dignity?  According to on nursing ethics and ethical issues in caring, it is a basic human right for all and fundamental to the well-being of every individual in all societies.  This article states that “dignity is fundamental to the well-being of every individual in all societies.  It is a basic human right for all….The concept of dignity has four defining attributes including respect, autonomy, empowerment, and communication.”  This article cites an analysis done by Griffin and Vanessa that “each of the four attributes consists of several dimensions:  Respect includes self-respect, respect for others, respect for peoples’ privacy, confidentiality and self-belief and belief in others.  Autonomy includes having choice, giving choice, making decisions, being able to make decisions, competence, rights, needs, and independence.  Empowerment includes a feeling of being important and valuable, self-esteem, self-worth, modesty, and pride.  Communication might be verbal or nonverbal and also includes explaining and understanding information, feeling comfort and giving time to the audience.  

 At, the Ministry of Health and Medical Education- Patient’s rights 2002 goes on to say that, “Observing dignity and privacy is essential for establishing an effective relationship between the healthcare professionals and patients. It also is critical for maintaining patient’s serenity. In contrast, many harmful consequences would ensue if the patients’ dignity is not observed….”  7. Nayeri ND, Aghajani M. Patients’ privacy and satisfaction in the emergency department: a descriptive analytical study. Nurse Ethics went on to say that “Failure to comply the patients’ privacy (as a measure of dignity) may not only make the patients to conceal some aspects of their medical history, or refuse medical examination, but also would increase their level of anxiety and stress…”

The above would also apply to anyone involved in patient care whether they are a doctor, nurse, tech, emt, etc.

Most hospitals have a Patient Bill of Rights that guarantee without any exclusions to having to personal privacy, to exercise your rights while receiving care or treatment without coercion, to participate in the development and implementation of your plan of care, to be free from all forms of abuse or harassment, to expect visitation privileges not be restricted, limited, or otherwise denied…., to expect all visitors will enjoy full and equal visitation privileges…, to be free from physical or mental abuse…., and to expect that restraint or seclusion may only be imposed to ensure immediate physical safety of the patient….This is part of the Patient Bill of Rights from a Patient & Visitor Information Book of Franciscan Health Indianapolis and Mooresville.  There are also federal guidelines that mandate Patient Bill of Rights. ��

According to a Gallup poll ( in 2018 covering professional honesty and ethics, nursing again was number one.  Nurses rate higher than doctors, military, and clergy.  Why is this?  Could it be the public is not really aware of everything nurses may do or could it be the public is turning a blind eye?  After a recent hospitalization where some of the nursing staff were absolutely sexually abusive and violated most above noted items in the Patient Bill of Rights, I decided that information needs to be made public.

According to According to, more than 90% of nurses are female.   That means that if you are a male patient, most likely you will encounter a female nurse for intimate care.  If you are a male that wants only same gender care which you are entitled to have, it will probably not happen.  If you are a female patient, chances are your intimate care will be performed by a female nurse.  It is practically unheard of for a male nurse to provide intimate care for a female patient, especially if he is alone with her or if she is drugged.  For male patients, it is very common for this situation to happen.

Doctors only see patients for a fraction of the time that a nurse may spend with patient care duties.  During procedures, it is generally the nurse and/or techs that prep patients.  It is unheard of for a drugged female to be left alone with 4 male nurses/techs while prepping her exposed genital area.  However, it is standard practice for female nurses/techs to prep the genital area of a drugged male patient.  Are female nurses more trustworthy than male nurses/techs?  Do female nurses not exhibit any sexual feelings/desires  while all male nurses are viewed as being untrustworthy because they cannot separate their own sexual desires when left alone with an exposed, drugged female?  It is said that medical people view all genitals as just being another body part but is that really true?  There are plenty of cases in the newspapers and on the Internet saying otherwise.  Why is there greater care given to guarding the personal dignity of a female patient in general than that of a male?  What are some of the issues that may constitute sexual abuse?

The biggest area that constitutes sexual abuse is the unnecessary exposure of the genital region.  This may be done by a nurse/tech while prepping a patient for a procedure.  This may be done in an emergency room when they strip off the clothes of a patient while not covering them first with a gown, blanket, and/or drawing a curtain.  This may be done by a nurse in a patient room while performing an intimate task for a patient or examining an area close to the genital region.  Many nurses feel pushed for time so taking the extra second to provide patient dignity as they swore to in their nursing oath is not a priority for them.  However, for many patients they feel dehumanized by this type of action.  Although this dehumanization of a patient may not always be done as intentional act of harm, sometimes it is.  In any case, it is harmful to the mental well-being of the patient.

In a cardiac catheterization lab setting, many of the pieces of fluff literature says patient personal dignity is maintained at all times.  But what happens when it isn’t?  Most cath labs give a misleading cocktail of sedatives describing them as having the patient awake during the procedure.  The cocktail usually given is a combination of versed and fentanyl.  Versed is a drug that is supposedly used for anti-anxiety purposes but its real purpose in a medical procedure is it causes amnesia.  That is its main benefit to the medical people.  Fentanyl is painkiller which is 100 times stronger than morphine.  Most patients will be in a light sleep pattern and will be arouseable by verbal or touch stimulation.  Versed also makes patients less inhibited while fentanyl makes them generally more compliant or submissive. 

What this cocktail in fact does is gives the prep team the ability to perform the prep in a manner in which they choose.  Some may choose to maintain patient dignity while others may strip a patient’s clothes off of them and leave them exposed without a gown or blanket for the entire time up to draping.  Leaving a patient exposed makes their prep work easier.  However, there is generally no reason for the lower genital region to be exposed as they can use a medical garment called Covr which will cover the genital region while allowing them to do the femoral prep.  For females, to cover the nipple area , falsies could be used.  The female patient could apply those herself.  However, it is the sad fact that medical people on a whole do not care about the dignity of their patients.  This is why such sexually abusive behavior as the exposure of patients is allowed to continue.  They only care if it were them or their loved one.

As we age, the side effects of the drugs may become more pronounced and lingering.  It may take many hours, days, or sometimes not all the effects go away.  Patients being transferred from the cath lab to the Cardiac CCU may still not be able to defend themselves against sexual abuse.  Surgery patients also may not be able to defend themselves from sexual abuse.  Nurses in these areas know and can recognize the signs of altered levels of response from patients.  Some will take advantage of this. 

Many times during transfer, patients are exposed unnecessarily as keeping the patient’s dignity intact is not a priority.  Oftentimes, a gown may just be thrown on them from the procedure area.  This gown may fall off during the transfer from the gurney to the bed.  Not only is the patient exposed to those in the room but many times to people in the hallway.  If a patient needs a gown and bed linen change, this is usually done without regard to patient dignity.  In the cardiac ccu if the patient needs to remain flat, they will strip off the gown and blankets.  They will wash the patient and change the bedding all the while the patient will remain naked and uncovered while the nurse is turning the naked patient from side to side to change the bedding.  Eventually, she will re-gown the patient and cover the patient with a blanket.  However, the patient will most likely be exposed unnecessarily as the nurse does not care about the patient’s dignity.  The patient is exposed to everyone coming into the room and to people in the hallway. 

Patients may be exposed to registration clerks, phlebotomists, clergy, social workers, housekeeping, etc.  There is an attitude by medical staff that patient dignity is not a concern especially if the patient is drugged.  If a patient is drugged, the nurse figures they will not remember how they are treated.  Since many are drugged during the time when the exposure occurs, this may be why nursing is the most trusted profession.  There is a different attitude towards patients who are able to defend themselves against this type of abuse.  Nurses in units not dealing with patients who have been given mind altering medications tend to be more mindful about personal dignity issues. 

For those patients who have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of medical staff, the memory never fades and the trust is forever broken.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a common side effect from such abuse.  PTSD occurs more in patients who have been in a critical care unit.  Although the abuse that drug patients can remember is bad, it is often the abuse they do not remember as they were drugged that is really frightening.  There is always the thought of this is only what I remember so what else did they do to me that I don’t remember?  The exposure, the comments, the photos on a Smartphone, the being put on display to show others, who saw me, why did they do this to me—these are all questions a sexually abused patient will forever have on their mind.  A sexually abused will never trust any medical provider again as they now question their own ability of judgment as they never expected to be abused by the very people who were supposed to care and protect them when they were ill and vulnerable.  It may cause them to no longer seek medical care or hospitalization especially if a loss of control is involved.  It is beyond sad and sick when medical people abuse those who need care and are in an extremely vulnerable state.

Every patient needs an advocate to look out for them.  This advocate should not be an employee of a hospital as they are only going to protect the hospital.  An advocate is especially needed if there are drugs like versed, fentanyl, or any other drugs that alter mental capability involved.  Don’t allow yourself or your loved ones to become a victim of a personal dignity crime.  Take it from me, the pit in your throat and stomach along with the pressure lying on your chest never goes away.  The suffering for letting the abuse happen to them and seeing what damage it does to them forevermore will never go away or get any better.  The months since the medical and sexual assault have only grown worse for him.  He spends more and more sleepless nights thinking about what they did and what abuse might come if he would be hospitalized again.  Is this the kind of result modern medicine is so proud of?

What Caused and Is the Effect of Our PTSD

What does Post-Traumatic (Hospitalization) Stress Disorder (PTSD) feel like?  It feels like helplessness, hopelessness, rage, and guilt.  To be victimized by people that were supposed to be compassionate, caring, trustworthy, skilled, and etc. is devastating beyond any words or imagination.  If a total stranger were to victimize me or my husband, we would have an easier time reconciling their actions.  But to be victimized by medical people during one of times of greatest time of pain and suffering, the results are just devastating.  How could be people who are being paid to help commit such atrocities? 

My husband keeps it in a little too much as he does not want to burden me with his suffering.  Sometimes, though, he breaks down.  It is heartbreaking to hear him tell his story.  He feels very guilty that he had the heart attack which is what lead to the abuse.   He didn’t know that at the time he was suffering abuse that I too was suffering abuse in another form.  He has said that he wished the heart attack had killed him outright at home so all of this hospital abuse could have been avoided and I wouldn’t had to suffer their abuse.   He has said if he had only known.

It is not that either of us has not been in the hospital before as we have been.  He is a prostate cancer survivor so he has had intimate care level before given by female nurses/techs.  He has had an operation to which he fully gave consent to and the needed care afterwards.  The hospital he was at allowed me to be present during his pre-op, PACU, and transfer to his patient room procedure.  They made it clear they welcomed me to spend the night with him.  In fact, they encouraged it and made me feel welcomed.   When I was hospitalized, my husband was present.  He spent the night as they told him he was welcomed.  Both of us have had care by opposite sex caregivers who have acted appropriately and with compassion.  Both of us have had procedures done in the past with actual informed consent being given. 

How the care is delivered is the defining difference.  At the college hospital, we thought his care was being delivered in a compassionate and trustworthy manner.  We thought they were writing down his issues with painkillers and his instructions about having no Versed or benzos.  We didn’t know they were, in fact, ignoring very crucial information as to the negative side effects these medicines cause especially given that at that time, he had just had a heart attack.  We never dreamed their desire for him to have these medicines would overwhelm the need not to put him in a direr medical situation.  It never entered our minds they would ignore a man who had just had a heart attack who told them that painkillers and especially Versed/benzos cause his blood pressure to raise/lower, his breathing to decrease/increase, to fully incapacitate him, make him nausea, and cause him to remain in that state for an extended period of time.  We thought having a heart attack would make them proceed with extreme caution in giving him drugs which could make his condition deteriorate.   We did not know that the medical air ambulance would commit assault and battery on him to drug him with fentanyl when he was not actually in pain and did not consent to fentanyl.  We did not even consider that any of these medical “professionals” would lie or omit items to cover their asses.  We had put our trust in them and they failed us as we later found out. 

At Rancidcan, we did not know he would arrive having been assaulted by the air ambulance team in a drugged manner.  We did not know that I would not be allowed to see him or be part of the medical decision making effort.  We did not know that he would not be allowed to be part of the medical decision making effort.  We did not know that one or both of the medical entities had already made decisions as to what was going to happen to him.  We did not know that College Hospital had sent papers to Rancidcan , a Catholic hospital on record opposing LGBT issues, stating my husband had a husband—me his totally female wife of over 30 years.  We did not know that because of the fentanyl, my husband would be rendered incapable to defend himself against what was about to happen. 

Although all medical records state my husband was alert to person, place, and event he does not remember them ever talking to him about what they were going to do.  If they asked him he knew why he was there, he would have responded with a yes as he thought he was there for them to go over what College Hospital had done and maybe do a more thorough evaluation.  He never dreamed that he was there to have an invasive procedure done with any consultation with him or me.  We both thought they were going to explain his options of what they could do and we together, he and I, would decide.   Informed Consent cannot be given when a person is naked; lying on the table where the procedure is performed while they are being prepped for the procedure, and/or when drugged (4mg morphine and 100mcg fentanyl).  That is called being coerced.  Informed Consent was not given as neither of us remembers it being done at either hospital.  They, in fact, knew it had not been done.  They entered into their computer system as being done but 5 minutes later 2 of the cath. lab nurses signed it saying he had given verbal consent.  He disagrees.  In any case, consent cannot be coerced but in this case, they did not give it as there are many points he would have disagreed with if consent had been verbally explained not mention he would not have agreed to have something as major as this done without talking with me.  He would have never agreed to pictures being taken during any procedure, he wouldn’t have agreed to spectators, students, sales representatives being present, he wouldn’t have agreed to versed or any memory altering drug, he wouldn’t have agreed for his information to be used other than for purposes dictated by government or insurance, and he would have questioned the risks, radiation and side effects.  These are the standard things he would have had issues with and would have challenged.  However, they are no challenges to these items listed on the consent form they signed.  Furthermore, due to the drugs, he was not legally capable of giving consent.  Ethically, he was not able to give consent.  Physically and mentality, he was incapable of giving consent due to the drugs.  There is no way they could have gone through the 3-page consent form and a severely drugged man have understood it.  There is no way they could have given him all the risks and rx medication risks like they stated.  There wasn’t time and he even so, he wouldn’t agreed.  They lied about consent to force him to have a procedure which is a complete money making venture to them to around the tune of $300,000.  It is no wonder they lie/coerce having such a large financial incentive–easy victim, easy money.  The ethical aspect of medical people going rogue and abusive is simply mind-blowing. 

He feels violated beyond imagination they performed a procedure on him that he did not want even to this day.  The consequences of this procedure are devastating.  He now has to live with two foreign pieces of mental in him that continuously remind him and me of what they done.  These stents also cause permanent damage to his arteries by making them constantly sending plaque to the area to heal where the metal is chafing the artery.  That is why he must forever take medicine because this is a forever side effect.  Eventually, the plaque will build up there again.  The medicine also has unacceptable side effects.  The cure was not a cure but actually give him additional conditions which are just as bad as the original heart attack.

Although we both feel guilty and victimized by putting our trust in College Hospital and the air ambulance service, what follows is where the majority of our issues arise.  Having said this, if the air ambulance had not committed assault and battery on him by giving him the fentanyl, he would have been capable of defending himself and making sure that things did not happen as they actually did.  By giving him fentanyl, they in essence, made him trapped inside of his mind thus allowing Rancidcan the freedom to abuse and violate.  How he felt after the fentanyl is similar to what a stroke victim may feel as they are aware of what is going on but unable to verbalize or turn their thoughts into actions.  He was also horrified, scared, humiliated, and alone.  He felt as if he didn’t matter or have any say.  He felt powerless.  They made him feel like he was nothing—didn’t matter—an object.  The heart attack was scary but he thought he was going to okay and he had dealt with cancer in the past so he knew he could deal with a heart attack.  He wasn’t prepared to deal with the standard of care.

My guilt comes from knowing that he was stripped naked by 4 females in a room full of others such as the air ambulance people, registry clerk, and whoever else was present.  This was done against his will and without permission.  Because of what they done and how they did it, they demonstrated they had no respect for my husband as a human who had a life.  They cared nothing that in their disrespect and disregard of his basic right to freedom of choice and dignity, they have endangered his overall health.  They cared nothing about making sure what they did caused no future harm.  They probably never have considered their actions to be as harmful as physically harming a person.  Because of their actions, he lives everyday with the stress of their actions deeply stamped in his mind.  His dealings with all medical providers are now stressful and he distrusts them immensely.  The literature they give to heart attack survivors is to make their lives stress free but that is now impossible because medical people add nothing but stress to his life not to mention for me too. 

He remembers feeling horrified that they stripped him without his permission and left him naked without a gown or blanket.  They acted as though he was not human.  They wadded his clothes into a pink haz-mat bag for some strange reason as they were not soiled.  They treated his clothes as trash just as they treated him as trash—not worth common using common respect or protecting his dignity.  Not worth letting him decide his treatment but rather a chance to make money and for them to be totally in control over a man.  It must have really have given them a thrill to abuse an older, critically male.  They probably do this as payback for the bad attitudes of the male doctors.  It must make them feel better to abuse defenseless males.  He doesn’t remember any of those cold-hearted women speaking to him in a reassuring manner.  He remembers wanting to be covered up and also being cold and scared.  He didn’t know what they were doing and why he needed to be naked.  It was his chest where his heart is—it is not in his genital region.  He remembers them shaving him although he is not hairy and they didn’t say why it was being done as he remembers wondering why they were shaving him.  He remembers hearing them talking and laughing amongst themselves but no one communicated to him.  He remembers hearing them talk about sending a chaplain to me.  He remembers thinking is he that bad or is he in the process of dying and please do not send a chaplain to me but they had rendered him incapable of vocalizing his thoughts.  The fentanyl left him able to respond to their questions but unable to vocalize his own thoughts.  He remembers them inserting 2 more IVs into him even though he already had 2 in him from College Hospital that were still working when he arrived at Rancidcan.  (They make no note of adding these 2 IVs.)  He remembers how cold the room was as he was lying there totally exposed.  He felt violated.  He felt they did not respect his right to personal dignity.  He just wanted it to end.  He said he remembers wanting to see me so he would know everything would be okay.  He wondered if I had agreed to something he didn’t know about and if what was happening to him was the result.  He wondered what they were doing to him.  He wanted me to protect him from them and he wondered why I hadn’t come in to see him.

He remembers seeing all the equipment and wondering what it is all for and what are they going to do with him as he hadn’t talked to me yet so we could decide.  He remembers them finally putting the drapes over him.  He remembers seeing things on the monitors.  He remembers being told he is going to feel pressure.  He remembers the pressure actually felt as if he had been ran over by a semi and it was sitting on him.   He remembers hearing them talk and laugh during whatever they were doing to him.  He remembers being scared that he didn’t know what was happening and that nobody seemed to care.  He remembers being very cold.  He remembers the coldness eventually made him start shivering/trembling uncontrollably.  He remembers being scared and feeling alone. 

He remembers after whatever they were doing to him that he was still laying on the table that they air ambulance personnel had placed him on.  He remembers having the drapes removed and once again he was laying there naked, exposed, and cold.  (Nakedness is a method of torture used to humiliate and control prisoners.)  He remembers a female voice telling him they were going to suture and it would hurt.  He said he briefly wondered what they needed to suture before he felt the extreme, horrible pain of the suturing (which upon reading his medical records, we found they had chosen not to use any numbing agent).  He received suturing in 3 different areas.  He wondered why they wanted to hurt him so badly.  He said he wanted to leave and see me.  He just wanted them to leave him alone.  He wanted to be covered up and not be exposed.  But this was not the end to the abuse/torture he would have to suffer at the hands of a religious hospital’s employees.

To add to his and my misery, pain, and guilt—I was being put through my own form of torture.  Even though I arrived at Rancidcan before they started their procedure on him, they did not consult with me.  In fact, after I asked for him at the ER desk, I was made to wait an extremely long take before they would acknowledge he was even at the hospital.  They made me believe he had died.  They said they couldn’t find record of him being admitted.  Probably because he was being processed at that time I was inquiring about him.  They told me to stand aside to an area about 10 feet away for the desk.  Eventually about much whispering another person arrived at the desk and after more whispering, one of the women yelled over to the area where my son and I were standing that “a chaplain would come and take us to where he was.”  Everyone in the ER waiting got silent and just looked at us.  I know they too thought whoever we were there for had died.  We were in shock.  When he had left with the air ambulance, he had been stabilized and was in no pain.  How could he have died?  I was in complete and utter shock—numbed.  After waiting about another 15 minutes, a sober looking man in a brown suit arrived.  As we were walking away from that area of onlookers, I asked the chaplain where he was taking us.  He said to the cath lab waiting room.  That made sense as College Hospital said that might be one of the possibilities that we would need to consider.  It didn’t occur to me that he might be already having a procedure as I knew that he would want to discuss it with me before he would agree to anything.  That is the way our marriage works.    Once we got back there, the chaplain sat down next to our son.  I could see that having the chaplain there agitated my son and it did me too as we could not talk to each other.  I wanted to talk to my son before I would be called back to consult with my husband as to what his best course of treatment would be.  I eventually told the chaplain very politely that we didn’t need him to stay.  He said it was his job.  I again told him we didn’t need him to stay.  He refused to leave.  I was upset but I could see my son was really upset so I decided not to make a scene with the chaplain as it would not have went well.  I was puzzled by why it was taking so long to see my husband but I didn’t want the chaplain involved in our business as he was an unwanted presence.  Another form of recognized torture is making the family wait for long periods without any information.

Eventually, his device sounded.  He answered it, got up, put it on speaker phone, and walked into a public hallway.  As he was walking away, I could hear the person at the other end of the line (I assume the cath lab) asking him if he was with the family of First Last Name.  They then proceeded into a conversation with him that took a few minutes.  After talking with whomever, he came back and said my husband was still back in the cath lab.  This scenario happened again and it played out the same way.  The third time it happened, he said he would take us to talk with the doctor.  Finally, I thought.

As we were entering the doctor consultation room, I turned to the chaplain (thinking finally I could be rid of him), that I did not want him in the room and he should leave.  Again, he refused and entered the room to hear even more of my husband’s private, personal health information that we did think he had any right to and did not want privy to having.  He just sat there while the doctor was talking.  I was so angry that I was numb.  I couldn’t imagine why we were being punished by that man’s presence. 

The doctor finally entered.  I don’t know if his behavior was due to his background but he certainly was rude and acted as if he didn’t want to be bothered with giving this interview with a woman.  In fact, he said he was tired and since it was a Saturday night, he would have rather been home.  He went to say that he had done a procedure on my husband.  I was floored.  He said he had put 2 stents in him and that he had cardiogenic shock and was critically ill.  (Actually what this doctor stated was cardiogenic shock does not meet the definition of cardiogenic but rather it fits into what we stated would happen when he takes painkillers or versed.  By the time he had this shock, he had received 4 mg morphine, 175 mcg of fentanyl and 2 mg of versed.  It was a wonder he was still breathing.  They could have killed him with their reckless and negligence.)  He then said he had a video to show but was unable to work the computer.  I was hoping his lack of technical skill wasn’t also reflected in the procedure he had just done on my husband.    He said he was tired and did I really need to see the video and did I have any questions.   Since the intruder was present, the doctor was rude and uncaring, and since I was numbed to my very core, I simply said no.  What in the world was going on?   Had my husband given his consent and why?  That was totally out of character for him.  The intruder then said they would be wheeling my husband out so we could look at him before they took him to a room.

About 10 minutes later, two women came out with him on a gurney.  At first look, I could tell my husband was heavily drugged.  Normally, he would have reached for my hand.  He did not.  The thing that I remember most about this parading of the prisoner routine that most captors do is the expression on the faces of these two women.  The shorter, fatter one had an expression of contempt, of hatefulness, and general bad will that completely took me aback.  (I have since done some investigative work and her social media page shows a picture of a woman that looks like a streetwalker out of a 70’2 movie with the grotesque make-up.  She is truly a scary looking creature for someone to see while they are completely vulnerable and under her control.)With her hostile look, I didn’t dare look at the other as intently but I could see her mean expression.  I just felt like collapsing and crying on the floor.  All I could think about was my poor husband having to have them to care for him.  It was no wonder he felt so scared.  Having to look at them would have scared me too. I felt so upset and powerless.  They stood there talking to themselves while the intruder hung at our side.  I could tell they had thrown a gown on my husband as it was not really on him.  He barely acknowledged our presence.  I really dislike this parading of the prisoner by the captives so this encounter as it was not private only lasted a couple of seconds.  This ritual is barbaric as is when the doctor comes down off of his throne to talk to the poor peasant.  How thrilled we should be to have him grace us with his godlike attitude like he performs some miracle instead of merely doing a job he is being paid to do.  They are not miracle workers nor do they really care at least not in this case.  Rather I think they would have been happier if he had died before he was able to disrupt their Saturday night.  At least, this is the impression those cold-hearted B_tches and that B_stard gave.  The doctor gave a semi apology for any harm he and the cath lab heifers may have done but we do not accept his apology as the harm has been done and words mean nothing.  Their actions, on the other hand, have made a lasting impression.

The intruder told us he would lead us to the waiting room upstairs as neither my son nor I apparently had enough education to read signs and find our way there.  Once there, the intruder said he was leaving for a while but would return.  He never did.  He said before he left that it would take less than 30 minutes for the secret ceremony that happens when captors settle prisoners into their cell and then they would allow us to see him.  At this time, it felt like the intruder was our warden and that the hospital was my husband’s captors. 

Over two hours later and without any word, (isolation is a method that is used as torture), we were still waiting.  I was completely and probably irreversibly numbed by this point.  I was at or maybe I had had my breaking point.  My blood pressure was sky-high and my type 1 diabetic son’s glucose levels had risen during the evening to a scary point.  (It is ironic that one quack doctor tried to make my husband a diabetic as his blood glucose level had been tested and it was high.  However, that doctor was a graduate of a foreign school of dentistry and apparently they did not teach them that during extremely stressful situations like having a heart attack, stress, and having ate a high carb meal that was not digested properly as it was interrupted by the heart, like giving someone a blood sugar test when they have not fasted is likely to result in high blood glucose levels.  I am not a doctor but even I know this.  In fact, because of their actions I was watching my son struggle with his blood sugar levels rising because of their torture of us.  This quack made my husband’s insurance pay $90—you can buy over 100 of the better strips for that amount– for every test strip they used and ordered insulin for him to take while in the hospital.  That quack is should not be able to practice his quackery on humans.)  Finally, he said he was going to nab the next person he heard coming or going.  He had had enough.  A few minutes later, he sprung to his feet so fast I didn’t know it until he had actually collared someone.

As I was getting up, before he could identify himself or what he wanted, the nurse (with dark brown hair whom we later found out was the one asking stupid questions) started laughing as she was saying, “I was coming to get you.  I just came from his room.” (How did she know who he/we were?)  Still laughing, she went on to say, “I am not his nurse.  I was just helping his nurse as she had trouble hooking up his machines.  She was overwhelmed and had a room full of people helping her.  I will let you in these doors and his is the last room on the left.”  With that she buzzed us in and left, still laughing.  At this point, I was so relieved to find out he was still alive that I didn’t question her about the laughter but was puzzled by it.  However, my puzzlement shouldn’t have lasted long after what I was about to witness but with all the mental traps that had been used on me that evening, I wasn’t alert at that time to what I was about to witness. 

I will never forget what I saw when I entered the room.  I will never forgive myself for being so mentality drained and numbed that I did not spring into action.  NEVER WILL I FORGIVE MYSELF. 

My husband’s room was directly in line with the double doors we had been sitting by in the waiting room with our backs toward.  We had seen and heard many people going in and out of those doors but we didn’t know it was for him.  We didn’t know from those doors you could see into his room.

As we started to enter the room and it had a long entrance, my son said he had forgotten his diabetic supplies consisting of his insulin, meter, and needles.  I told him to hurry and find it before someone else did.  He left so I entered the room alone.  What I saw will forever be burned into my memory.  I know now what I witnessed.  Then I was just too numb to it to register through everything that I had endured.

Once I was to the main part of the room, I could see this nurse with long, blond hair that was pulled back.  (I should say bleached blond hair that resembled straw.  On her social media sites, besides drinking being her favorite hobby, she fancies herself to be a Southern Belle with movie star looks.).  She was turned towards a computer that she was working on.  My husband had his eyes closed laying on the bed.  That in itself was not odd.  What is forever burned into my mind is that he was laying there with his gown above his navel and his blanket around his knees.  As I said the nurse was working on the computer slightly turned at an angle but as I entered she turned with a laugh/smile on her face until she must have realized I wasn’t whom she had expected.  She quickly recovered and told me I had to leave as she then pulled up his blanket.  My husband awoken as I was asking her why I needed to leave since I was his wife.  She had a questioning look on her face and again asked me who I was to which I replied I was his wife.  She asked me for my name.  I told her I was Mrs. Last Name.  She said she needed my first name.  I looked at my husband and he had that look of “oh, no” because even in his fog he knows I do not like for medical people to assume they have the right to call me by my first name, so I told her without making a fuss.  She then told me to spell it.  All the time she was looking at her computer screen to try to verify who I was.  Up to this point, the Catholic hospital thought they were dealing with a gay man with a husband.  Her computer screen must have verified my name spelling (as the medical records listed me as a husband but had my first name spelled correctly).  She started laughing again and said she didn’t know how to examine him without exposing him.  She then started to laugh harder and exclaimed that she had figured it out by pulling his blanket up between his legs to cover his penis.  It didn’t strike me until the next day how her behavior was so odd.  For one time, was she a new nurse that never had been involved in patient care?  If so, what was she doing in a cardiac critical care unit?  Furthermore, did she not go to nursing school where they teach patient care and take the oath of protecting patient dignity?  Would not have the better solution been to pull his gown down between his legs so the blanket could have been lifted to view one side or the other?  I now know it was her plan to go back to exposing him once I left.  He verified that she did.  He was still very drugged and unable to respond unless prompted.  He was afraid to say anything as he knew he was defenseless against them.  He didn’t know what had happened but he knew something had.  He really had no idea that he had had a major invasive procedure done and the result would affect the rest of his life. 

As my son entered, she was saying she had had trouble hooking up his machines (the ones needed to take stress off his heart) and the room had been full of techs.  It did not occur to me at that time that she had left my husband exposed to the room full of techs, the person who draws blood, and possibly the chaplain intruder.  She had admitted she didn’t know how not to expose him.  Later, after research, I have found out she has been a nurse for over ten years.  So in all the ten year period, she didn’t know how not to exposed a patient’s genitalia for prolonged periods of time?  Once we received the medical records, it became evident that during this over 2 hours period, she had made my husband use the urinal and performed perineal care in front of a room full of people.  He remembers this now.  He feels violated and sexually abused by this monster’s behavior.  This monster nurse had completely violated my husband’s right to personal dignity that is guaranteed by federally mandated guidelines and the hospital’s Patient Bill of Rights.  She also violated her oath of nursing to preserve a patient’s dignity.  She willfully and maliciously violated him to the point of sexual abuse.  Not only did she do it with a room full of people while he was still heavily under the influence of fentanyl and versed (the one he refused), but what was she and the laughing nurse doing alone in the room with my drugged and vulnerable husband?  What was so funny in the cardiac critical care room of a drugged man that lasted for hours?  This is not a case of being embarrassed because a female nurse will see or has seen Little Willy.  It is a case of a monster nurse sexually harassing a male patient who has been rendered vulnerable and defenseless by drugs, an illness, and a medical procedure. 

We only stayed for a few minutes as the nurse told us we were outside of visiting hours.  She never mentioned that I could have stayed overnight with him.  She never gave us any information except we would need a patient code to talk with my husband.  She said if I lost the number she wrote down, we would not be allowed to have contact with him.   My husband was not responsive unless prompted and I could tell he was heavily drugged.  When I asked if he was sleepy he said no but he kept his eyes closed as if he was in another universe.  Since the nurse didn’t seem to want us there and my husband was unresponsive and needed rest, we left.  My son was physically unable at that time to drive home alone as his blood sugar levels were through the roof.  He was so confused he said maybe he should get a coke for energy.  He hasn’t had a coke in the 3 years since he was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic.  We were there about ten minutes around 4am and stayed a number of hours visiting with him.  The nurse lied and falsified my husband’s medical records saying we were there around 3am and that she had educated us about all aspects of his treatment and care.  This nurse proved she was a liar.  What else is or was she capable of?  What was wrong with her?  Does she like to sexually abuse vulnerable male patients?  Is she one the over 20% of medical workers with an addiction problem?  Or was it just my husband because of this “gay” label that she and the others decided to abuse?  

My husband remembers being transferred into the room from the gurney.  The cath. lab had just thrown a gown over him.  When the blond nurse saw in CCU saw the gown, her first priority became changing the gown.  She said it was the wrong gown for the CCU area.  So her first priority was not to hook up his life saving equipment but to change his gown.  However, during transfer from gurney to the bed, whether the gown fell off on its own or rather the blond nurse helped it off, the gown fell off leaving him once again totally exposed to the females nurses without any thought to his personal dignity.  They did not cover him up as the blond nurse went off in search of the “correct” gown.  After all, having a gown on from the cath lab of the same hospital is a national emergency situation.   My husband remembers being exposed almost constantly during the time he spent with this monster molester nurse.  He remembers the room full of people and being made to urinate in front of them and having her clean him up in front of them.  He was humiliated beyond endurance.  He remembers laying there exposed while the laughing nurse asked him questions like was he sexually abused.  Not by me but by them as it turns out.  Still naked, have you travelled outside of this country.  What color is your poop?  The abuse inflicted was incredible and almost unbelievable.  Why was wrong with this hospital.  Why do they allow their nurses to sexually abuse their patients?  Why do they drug their patients?  Why do they isolate their patients?  Why do they act in such a secretive manner?  Why do they make patients prisoners and control them?  Why are they so horrible? 

However, the abuse did not stop once I left.  The blond nurse let him be in pain from the groin wounds and suturing.  She let him become nauseated to the point of vomiting even though he had been prescribed a drug to stop the nausea.  He remembers throwing up down his left side when he was lying almost flat.  He remembers her once again stripping off his gown and leaving him exposed when she cleaned him up and changed his bed.  His genital region should have been covered but she certainly didn’t view him as a human being that had the right to be treated with dignity and she had the responsibility to protect and to treat him with dignity.  She truly is a horrible and despicable person.  He never again wants any female nursing/tech to be involved where he may have genital exposure and really that mean almost never because he was expected this to happen.  This never was an issue in the past but now it is one that is forever a lasting effect of his mistreatment.  He will refuse care by any female where genital exposure is done as he suffered sexual abuse at the hands of females during this hospitalization.

Once this nurse was off duty, no more sexual abuse happened.  That doesn’t mean that Rancidcan was more competent or compassionate because they weren’t.  It just means he was able to defend himself.  His medical records are full of their mistakes like one of the cath lab heifers who was the recorder of events even though she may no longer have a valid alcohol license may have a drinking issue as she could not remember what procedure they had inflicted upon him 2 minutes after it officially ended.  He also had a couple of male nurses who seemed to willing to protect his personal dignity and acted more compassionately.  He said although the effects of the drugs made his mind foggy for a week afterwards, his main goal was to get out of that hospital any way he could.  I told him about what had happened to me but at that time he couldn’t process it and said he needed to concentrate on his escape from that hellhole.  He knew though what I had suffered and told me not to be there as he was worried about the harm they had done.  I in turn was worried about the harm they had done to him.   It wasn’t until he came home that we realized what had happened to both of us.  It became clearer over time with him remembering and slowly being able to finally talk about what he endured.  I was able to entirely share with him what I endured.  Both of us have an incredible amount of guilt for what the other has been through.  Neither of us at this time will seek hospital care again if it means being an inpatient prisoner.

No one really knows the damage something like this causes unless you have suffered torture and abuse especially from someone or an institution that is supposed to protect you.  I now have a better understanding of what rape victims suffer—the control of the abuser that affects their very soul and how personal that violation is.  I now better understand the boys who have been molested by Catholic priests whom supposedly represent all that is good.  It rips your very being into shreds.  It makes you question everything.  It makes you trust no one.

My husband, at this time, will not agree to any more emergency type care.  He does not trust ambulance personnel nor does he trust hospitals.  He will not have anything done medically if I cannot be present without him.  He no longer will go anywhere if I am not with him.  He does not want to become their victim again.  He has issues falling asleep and staying asleep.  Whether these issues are from the long term side effects of versed (it can change how the brain functions and responds to sleep patterns forever), we don’t know.  He only has light sleep whereas before his sleep pattern was much deeper.  When he does fall asleep, he has nightmares about what happened.  He gets very quiet at times.  He thinks about their abuse of him and their abuse of me. 

For me, this is always on my mind.  I know with the procedure that done on him that it is very likely to cause major issues and/or the medicine that forced upon him because of the procedure also cause issues.   I cannot forgive myself for what I call his rape at the hands of the medical community.  My nightmares are very vivid.  I have dreams of the blond nurse for example:  she picks up a baby chicken and spreads its legs and wings apart.  Then, laughing, she suddenly takes her thumb and forefinger and squashes its neck.  I dream that we are different places and the cath lab nurses appear and chase my husband so they can harm him.  I cannot watch tv because if there is anything to do with Rancidcan or nurses, I get upset.  I cannot travel where I live without seeing their signs about having heartfelt moments for $49.  I feel sorry and upset for anyone who thinks this hospital actually cares about the people they may treat.  The heart billboard is especially upsetting.  It is personal.  They have no heart.   I usually give it the finger like I do whenever I see anything associated with either of these hospitals.  We both become upset when we hear an ambulance helicopter flying overhead because we know they may be committing assault and battery on a person who already is seriously ill/injured.  I used to love the weekends but now Saturday nights and early Sunday morning just make me live through what happened minute by minute again and again.  I loathe this time.  My husband no longer wants to be in our family room on a Saturday night where the heart attack happened so as not to begin this series of events again.  Both of us no longer take pleasure in the things that we did before we the torture and abuse.  We fear medical people and the power they took from us making us their prisoner once we enter their doors.  Entering a medical facility’s doors take a lot for us as they now have condemned him to lifetime of medical interference.  They seemed angry that he was healthy, not diabetic and did not have any symptoms of heart disease prior to his heart attack.  They put in “quotes” they he had had prostate cancer as if they didn’t believe him.  He did not take any prescription drugs even though he was in his mid-60”s.  They made sure now he does.  In fact, his rx for statin was the highest dose prescribed even though his cholesterol levels were well with the high normal range. He didn’t have high blood pressure but they made sure he now has to take a pill made from poison.  They say don’t drink gas but blood pressure pills are made from gas additives.   I assume that doctors do whatever they can to make sure all older people are on prescription medicines as they know the more medicines, the more they have different conditions stemming from the medicines, and the more the patient has to see the doctor and be prescribed more medicines. It is a win-win except for the patient who gets caught in a cycle of greed and malicious treatment.

It was not the heart attack that made us this way but rather the people and institutions whom tortured and abused us.  We are grateful they did not kill him with all their torture and abuse.  However, what they have taken from us by forcibly performing a procedure on him without consent and the subsequent abuse has let us not in better shape from their administrations but in worse shape.  I think there is a medical oath about doing no harm but apparently that medical oath is not taken or if it is, it is only lip service.  They have also put us into a place where we must work through the PTSD on our own as we do not trust them.  Why would we seek treatment for PTSD from the very people that harmed us?  We did not expect to be harmed by them and so trust is forever broken.

The Unmentioned Hospitalization Ilness

It has been more than 6 months since my husband had a heart attack.  The mental anguish both of us suffer has not gotten any easier.  We have finally been able to give our mental anguish a name—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  We were not warned this could be an outcome.

Let me clarify.  In the literature the hospital put in my husband’s fold and later in cardiac rehabilitation, they said he might become depressed that he had had a heart attack.  That is not why either of us became depressed.  He had prostate cancer in his early 50’s and that was really a hard one to accept but we did.  The C word is an ugly one but we survived, made adjustments, and life went on.

Late last summer, he suffered a heart attack.  He was healthy otherwise.  He did not have high cholesterol, diabetes, or high blood pressure.  In other words, he was a healthy man who had a heart attack.  Even though I am not religious, I knew he would be okay.  It was just a feeling I had that I cannot explain.  I got him to the hospital as soon as I realized what was going on despite him saying it was nothing.  For both of us, it was not the heart attack that has caused the PTSD but rather the medical community. 

I want to share our story of what brought about for us both to suffer from PTSD.  I have in other blogs, told some of our story.  I will tell some of what my husband is feeling but I will deal mostly with my PTSD.  I would have never thought that as a spouse of someone who was hospitalized, that I too would suffer from PTSD.  Of course, I would have never thought about someone whom is a patient getting PTSD from hospitalization.  It is not something the hospital makes you aware of even in all their CYA literature. 

We knew that each of us was deeply affected by what had to him.  In talking, we both realized it was not the heart attack in itself.   Rather it was all the things that happened because of the heart attack.  We came to realize that both of our PTSD was centered on the standard of care/treatment we each had endured during his hospital experience.  We each suffered through different issues but some were overlapping.  We knew we were suffering but was not able to identify what we were suffering from until I talked in length of MadManBanterings or Archie Banterings who is an expert on hospital related issues. 

I described some of the thoughts and feelings we were suffering from and Archie said he thought it sounded like PTSD.  He had links to articles on PTSD and I have done a lot more intensive research.  After months of both of living with something we had no clue of having, what we have finally has a name.  Just knowing has been a big relief for us.

In my next article, I will go through the definition of PTSD and how hospitalization can attribute to this disease.  I will also from time to time blog on our thoughts in living with this disorder. c=d.hea

Hospital Sanctioned Sexual Abuse

A brief word before I start.  I am not going cite a bunch of studies and articles.  That is not to say that I cannot back up my comments because I can but to me, it is distracting to have to read all of the works cited.  This is mostly my opinion from real life experiences and from what articles I have read.  As I build my website, I will be listing various articles and studies that you may review on your own.


While it true that when we have medical encounters, we can expect at some time that we may have to expose our breasts, vaginas, testicles, or penises.  However, what we don’t anticipate is the manner in which this may be done, why it is being done, and to whom is viewing our nudity.  What many people don’t understand is the complete lack of sensitivity, compassion, and lack of respect for basic human dignity that many hospital workers have.

I have read that nursing is the most trusted profession.  I am absolutely stunned!  Do people really think that?  Why would they think that?  Could it be that burying our heads in the sand and pretending that nurses are not capable of sexually inappropriate behavior?  Could be denying that those 20 something nurses and techs are not creatures that have sexual desires?  Could we also be denying that like most humans they view are genitals in a sexual manner while they are doing their jobs of prep?  Are we that naïve that we don’t realize that when we are laying there naked and drugged that they are taking inventory and making their own private inventory of us?

There are many articles about male nurses/techs sexually assaulting female patients.  However, it is rare to see such a story about a female nurse/tech.  Why is that?  Is it because females don’t have sexual feelings and act on them?  Is it because in real life females never initiate sexual contact?  Of course, that is not the case especially in today’s age of everything goes and is allowed if you are of the female gender.  Or could it be that males have been subjected to having to have intimate care given by female nurses/techs for years and that society has told them this is acceptable and men do not complain about their personal dignity being abused?

I am female and I have had male doctors.  I like male doctors even less than female doctors but I tolerate them.  However, I have never been in the position of being drugged and defenseless with a male doctor or a room full of male nurses/techs.  For male patients, this scenario is common.  During the course of their lifetime, the overwhelming majority of males will at some point, be naked, drugged, and probably have their memory of the event purposely erased.  They may even remember being in the midst of an all-female team of nurses/techs, naked and exposed.

For anyone undergoing surgery or a heart catheterization procedure, it is scary.  But also what is scary that is either sugar-coated or glossed over is the amount of unnecessary exposure that all patients have to endure.  The even scarier part is that most patients are given drugs like Versed whose primary purpose is its ability to erase memories.  They may label it as an anti-anxiety drug but the real purpose it or a drug like it is given is to erase memory.  It sounds like something from a Nazi concentration camp and to me, it is.  I don’t think that anyone should have the right to decide what memories we are allowed to have or not.  I think this drug and others like it crosses a very serious ethical dilemma.  It should be banned or used only under the strictest regulations and never without absolute patient knowledge and consent.

For females, the surgery team has a greater chance of being made up of mostly women.  However, from several sources I have read that a female requesting an all-female team may in fact get males.  This is done, in my mind, because doctors don’t like patients telling them how to run their operation.  Never mind the fact the operation is on you and ultimately you are the boss and the medical personnel are in fact your temporary employees.  Many doctors have long had the attitude that patients should not and furthermore will and do not have say in the manner in which their medical care is delivered or even a say in what type of treatment is needed.   And even more to the point, many patients let them get away with this attitude.  I feel this is done out of fear as the doctor literally has the power of life and death and the quality of which life may have.  If this is the case, would you let a known car thief borrow your car?  Probably not so why would you let a doctor control something so invaluable as your life without question or asserting your rights?

For males, it is almost a given the majority of the team will be female.  To that, most will be young females.  Today’s society has not done well in teaching our younger society members to be respectful especially of men.  Men bear the burden of everything that has gone wrong with the world since the beginning of time especially now that the MeToo movement has come to the forefront.  I think many younger females may base their actions on what they see and hear from the media.  I also think that many nurses/techs act out against the tyranny the surgeon displays towards the female staff by abusing their drugged, naked, and vulnerable male patients.

From experience I have had knowledge of, male patients are left exposed unnecessarily.  This is done for who knows why but the fact remains it happens.  Some procedures, such as heart catheterizations, the lower genital region of a male patient may be left exposed during the entire prep (shaving too) time.  There is no need for this but it happens far more frequently than we probably know.  Some facilities say they use a blue towel but the towel usually is not placed until after the alcohol type prep is done and dried but the blue towel has a tendency to move out of place.  There are garments that a patient could put on called Covr that indeed covers the area but still allows full access to the groin area.  However, not many facilities have initiated the use of these garments as they simply don’t think patient dignity concerns are an issue.  After all, we all same the same body parts and they are professional.   However, they are not the ones naked.  Maybe if they were naked with clear plastics covers it would make that argument more agreeable but they do value and guard their dignity but not ours.  It is also a common fact that medical rarely go to the facility they work at for procedures that require them to be naked and exposed in front of their peers.  If it doesn’t matter because we all have the same body parts…?

We know that patients are naked, drugged so they have little or no more memory recall in the OR or cath lab.  We know that the consent forms give them the right to have whoever they want in attendance when the patient is exposed.  We also know that many people are addicted to their smartphones—smartphones are the ones with cameras.  I don’t imagine many people are aware that many institutions allow medical staff to use their cell phones in OR and in other patient care areas.  This is very scary.  It could perhaps be a selfie that that accidentally includes the naked patient in the background or it could be an intentional picture of the naked patient to post on social media to show and make some comment about their anatomy.  You may never know it until someday someone recognizes your face, your breast, or your penis.  By that time, you have been sexually assaulted thousands of time.  There is no way smartphones should be allowed for staff use in patient care areas.  Only devices facility owned without camera ability should be allowed in patient care areas PERIOD.


Consider the female nurse in a patient room where the male patient is drugged and not able to defend themselves and this male patient is left with his penis and testicles exposed for hours.  The curtain is not drawn.  Other staff members come into the room.  These may be staff members like techs who draw blood, who do housekeeping duties, IT techs, or even other nurses who come to chat to the nurse.  Why is it okay to leave a drugged male patient exposed?  There is no medical reason for this being done.  In fact, it is detrimental to the patient’s health to leave them exposed and cold.  Not to mention to their mental health.  This is a form of sexual abuse.  If the male patient was not drugged, then the nurse would not have done this.  If this happens to a female patient/male nurse, then the alarm bells would ring but since this happened to a male patient—who cares?  He is only a man and nurses are the most trusted profession.  So what if they fail to uphold their oath of protecting their patient’s dignity and fail to guard their patient from harm both physically and mentally?  This type of sexual abuse is real and occurs more than we probably know.  Unnecessarily exposing any patient is sexual abuse.  Sexual crimes are crimes of control and this is exactly what medical staff do—they try to control us while we are in their facility.  We are told what we can do, what drugs they will give us, what their treatment plan is, what food they will allow us to eat, when we can or can’t have visitors—like I said in another blog article-prison.  Why was is this type of exposure taking place?  A drugged, vulnerable male laying exposed and alone for hours with two nurses while they are laughing.  This is sexual abuse.  What were they doing?  The Versed drug man does not know.  That was intended and furthermore, the nurses know the man’s vulnerable because of the drugs.

There are many pictures all over the Internet of various surgical procedures.  Some of them show male patients getting prepped for knee surgery with his penis exposed and later show a picture of his face.  Why was his penis exposed should be the question?  Access to that area was not needed as no foley catheter was used.  Why are stripped naked for surgeries not requiring access to their breasts, vaginas, and/or penises?  Why do the heart catheterization sites either not address the exposure or say your dignity is respected when it is not?  If they are exposing your genital area without real cause then it is sexual abuse.  My guess it is a power control issue.  It fully makes individuals vulnerable and takes away their dignity.  Medical people don’t like to think of patients as being human.  They tend to think of us as objects placed in their care for manipulation.


Many aspects of medical care are kept in a veil of secrecy.  If the general public only knew what really happens then things would change.  It is the plan of the medical community to keep their inter-workings a secret.  When you complain to hospital administration, they sweep it under the rug.  They make excuses or say this didn’t happen.  But they know this happens.  This is why I say sexual abuse of male patients is hospital sanctioned.  It is my plan to expose them.

How One Nurse Abused My Husband

I will call this nurse Feather Wench.  She is a bleached blonde woman who thinks she eludes the southern belle charm and somewhat famous looks.  She also likes to party and drink.  I have done my research on those who have abused and violated my husband to try to find out their motive(s).   In general, I think this person is just a bad person who is in over her head as far as nursing skills, compassion, and just being humane.

Nurse Wench started her abuse of my husband when he first arrived in the Cardiac Critical Care Unit.  Wench has worked at Rancidcan for almost 11 years.  She is not new to cardiac care.  There is a reason I am mention this.

He was taken by gurney by 2 of the heifers from the cath lab.  He was still very out of it from the drugs that he should have never received.  Once to the room, they used the waffle mattress to transfer him to the bed.  During the transfer, the gown that they threw on him right before the transfer, fell off.  The first comment out of Wench’s mouth was that he did not have the right gown on for her area and that needed to fixed immediately.  So instead of getting him settled and hooking him up to the life-saving equipment he needed, Wench left him naked and exposed while she searched for the proper gown.  You would think that:  1.  a qualified nurse would know that hooking him up to life-saving equipment would be the number one priority, 2.  What Rancidcan gown a patient arrived in really didn’t matter, 3.  Wench would not leave a patient naked and exposed meaning no gown, no cover, and no curtain closed.   This is how his time with Wench started.   Since he was drugged, he does not remember every second of time but the constant exposure was so horrible to him that if has been able to penetrate their purposeful memory erasing tactics.

These transfers of patients from gurney to their must be conducted in secret or so is the policy of Rancidcan.   No family can be present during this secret ritual.  It is a ritual we were told that would take around 30 minutes.  It took over 2 hours and that without any word from them as to why and no explanation or apology.  During this time it is impossible to know all the abuse he tolerated at the hands of Wench.

After the great gown crisis, Wench eventually found her correct gown and put in on him.  However, she for whatever reasons, did not pull the gown around his genital area nor did she pull the blanket up around that area.  He had 2 medical devices sutured to his thighs (again w/o any numbing agent).  These devices were the 2 devices that were supposedly to be use to give his heart a rest after his heart attack.  However, Wench was not able to get at least one of them hooked up and working.  However, there is no note of this in his medical record as they purposely do not put negative information such as this in medical files so it can prove their incompetence, neglect, and substandard care.

Unknown to us, just the family worrying in the waiting room, wondering what is going on, Wench has a room full of techs and other staff present.  However, as she told me, she left my husband exposed as she did not know how to cover his genital area so the devices on his thigh were accessible.  Really?  She has been a nurse for 11 years and at least 4 years of schooling, and she did not know how to fulfill her oath of protecting patient dignity?

What is also astound is during this time, she performed full bedpan duties and perineal care.  In other words, since she did not know how to protect my husband’s privacy, while these other IT techs were in the room, she made my husband urinate and then cleaned him up in their presence for all their entertainment needs.  How callous, heartless, and sexually abusive/inappropriate!  According to the medical records, this happened at least 3 times.  I can’t believe she would subject a defenseless patient to such a public display.  Even the curtain was not drawn to shield him from the hallway and a set of main doors opened and closed continuously right outside of his room.  Of course, we did not know this at the time.  This went on for over 2 hours.  This Wench made my husband a public spectacle for over 2 hours.

They never came to get us but eventually my son said that the next _sshole he saw exiting from that door (by my husband’s room), he was going to stop.  He heard the door and was up in a flash.  A dark hair nurse, I will call Joker Some Joke ( who also pulled social work duty asking questions of a man heavily sedated and just out of a major procedure had he been out of the country recently, etc), exited the doors and was heading away from the waiting room.  He quickly caught up with her but before he could say anything, she turned to him laughing the entire time, “I was on my way to come and get you to take you to your husband’s room.”  First off–no she wasn’t on her way to get us because she exited the doors and was heading in the other direction.  Secondly, she was talking to my son and not to me as I was slower in getting up so my husband is not my son’s husband.  By the time, they had gotten over to where I was, she was still laughing.  She said still laughing, “I just came from his room. (LAUGHING STILL)  I am not his nurse.   (LAUGHING STILL).  The nurse had trouble hooking him up to his machines and I have been helping her out. (LAUGHING STILL)   I will buzz you and he is in room C366 at the end of the hall.”  She buzzed us in, and still laughing, she turned and left.

As we were entering the room, my son said he thought he had left his diabetic supplies in the waiting room because he had to jump up quickly to get to that nurse as they didn’t have the decency to let us know anything for over 2 hours  (my husband had been taken to the rm. around 1:50a and now it was exactly 4a.  My husband has said how desperately he wanted to see me and thought maybe I had gone home and they said nothing to him.).  I knew with the stress from how Rancidcan had treated us, that his glucose level was nearing 400.  He was taking readings a lot.  He is a fairly new Type 1.  I told him he had better quickly go back and get his supplies.

I entered the room.  Wench was standing on his right side with his genital area exposed while she was doing something on the bedside computer.  As she turned she was smiling but stopped smiling when she saw it was someone other than a hospital employee and pulled is covers up and said, “You will have to leave as I need to look at his groin areas and I can’t do that without exposing him.”  I said that I am his wife.  She looked like she did not believe it and asked me for my name.  I told her I am Mrs. _______.  She looked at her computer screen and hit some keys and asked again who I was.  I said I am his wife, Mrs. _______.  She said she wanted my first name.  I told her.  She wanted me to spell it.  I did.  She then laughingly said, “You can stay as I think I just figured out how to look at his groin without exposing him.  She also said that she had had issues with his machines and was catching up on paperwork.”  While she said this, she was pulling up the covers between his legs while leaving his gown bunched up around his stomach area.

I was so numbed and beaten down by what I had already gone through, that I was not my usual self.  I live daily with the knowledge of what that Wench said and I did nothing to defend my husband who was helpless as her captive.  I will never forgive myself.

When I saw my husband, I knew he was drugged.  He never said anything except yes or no in response to my questions.  He didn’t initiate conversation nor did he reach for my hand like he would normally.  He mostly kept his eyes closed but could respond with prompting.

We stayed less than 10 minutes as Wench only told us we were outside of visiting time and could visit him during normal visiting hours.  She added as she handed us a paper with a number she had wrote down that if we wanted to call and talk with him we would have to have this number or else we would not be allowed to talk to him.  I left his cell phone with him as I asked him if he would like to have his cell phone and he said yes.   I dialed our daughter so she could her her dad’s voice as we weren’t allowed much information to give her nor were we allowed to stay.

However, as Wench has documented in his medical records, we were visiting around 3a.  That is a lie and falsification of a legal medical record to cover her as_.  She also states she gave us all kinds of information about his condition, his medication, his equipment, his diet, etc.  There are pages and pages where she falsified his medical records saying she had done her job correctly.  She never told us anything.  Somewhere  around 3a, Wench dated and put an X on a legal document for my drugged husband to sign saying he would accept blood transfusions.  If he had not been drugged, he would have never signed this paper but Wench again took advantage of him.  As I said, I knew at 4a that he was drugged out of his mind.

Wench never told me I could have spent the night in his room.  She never told me anything about his condition.  She only told me about exposing him and about the number.

Sometime after we left, my husband said he remembers starting to feel nausea.  This is a side effect he normally experiences from pain killer and told SS Teaching Hospital but they failed to write this down and Rancidcan failed to ask.  There was a standing order for Ondansetron that is used for nausea due to pain killers.  However, for whatever reason, it was never used.

Around 6 a, he started choking and vomiting.  He was laying almost flat.  He was able to turn his head and eventually vomited towards his left shoulder onto his gown, blanket, and sheets.  Wench proceeded to clean him up.

First Wench throws back his blanket.  She then stripped off his gown.  She uses a towel around the messy area and goes to found new bed linens and a gown.  She then tells him to turn on his side, still naked and the curtain not closed and nothing over his genital region.  He could feel her missing with the sheets and eventually she tells him to roll to the other side, still naked.  She pulls the sheets and then has him lay on his back again.  She then washes him still leaving him totally exposed.  She then puts a new gown on him and then a blanket.  Apparently, Wench was not present during her educational process that total exposure of the patient is not acceptable.  She should be conscientious and keep the patient’s genital area cover as a sign of human respect.  Apparently, my husband is not worthy of her not sexually assaulting him whenever she had the opportunity.  Luckily, there was a shift change a few hours later and Wench’s reign of terror was over.  The other nurses did not have the sexual inappropriateness that Wench had or to a lesser degree demonstrated,  Joker Some Joke.

The effects of the fentanyl and Versed made him unable to put his thoughts into words/actions during most of time at Rancidcan.  During his last day there, his head cleared enough that he knew he had to get out of there.  He didn’t want to tell me then about how he had been abused because he knew I was going through hell from what they had done to me.  Neither of us knew why he had had this procedure done.  Each thought the other had given consent when actually, no consent is needed by patients or family once you become their victim by entering their door.  However, now he feels that he was sexually violated by Wench in addition to having had a procedure that he did not want and did not consent to have done.  He suffers from PTSD.  The things that he does remember scare him and me but what really scares us are the things he cannot remember.  He no longer trusts any female nurses and always wants me present.  If I can’t be present, he will not accept treatment as he is justifiably afraid of female nurses/staff.  My husband is scared and has changed since this horrible experience.  He no longer trusts these people to do the right thing.  He is angry that they chose for him what he now has to live with forever and having to take prescription medicine that in turn will likely cause issues with all the side effects each of them have.  He worries about me and the stress I have suffered along with his own stress.  We both worry about with their abusive treatment of him, their lies, and mistakes what does his future health look like?  Did they actually do him no addition harm in the procedure?  He is upset that they did not protect his personal privacy but also did not protect his medical information privacy.  They also have sent his personal private identifiable information and medical information to many registries and data collection agencies without his permission.  He feels totally violated.

I have PTSD.  I feel I let my husband down by not protecting him from these evil people.  I feel victimized by Boris Hollow the chaplain who invaded our privacy and refused to go away.  I feel angry that they refused to let me see him before the procedure as they wanted no interference with their plans.  I am angry about the rude and sexist doctor.  I am angry at the whole cath lab experience being done w/o consent and how badly they treated me.  I am beyond angry at Wench and Joker Some Joke for the abusive treatment we know of and scared of what else they might have done.  We are angry because Rancidcan and SS Teaching Hospital doesn’t care about how harmful their actions have been.  My son feels angry that he and I were victimized and that his father was abused and victimized.  My daughter also is suffering from the stress of what has happened.  We will never forget how badly these people harmed us.

Being in Prison

Oops!  Did I say prison instead of hospital?  To me, the terms are interchangeable.   Let’s see how they are similar:


Check    Loss of basic human rights  (cannot decide your fate)

Check   Loss of bodily privacy (strip search similarities)

Check   Visiting privileges may be suspended

Check   Isolation

Check   Dictate what food you eat

Check   Daily inspections

Check   Parole hearings (discharge or dismissal)\


Okay, so let’s explore each of one of these individually.  I have not ever been an inmate of a county, state, or federal facility but I have had the unfortunate opportunity to be both an inmate and a visitor to the hospital-prison system.  As you may have read in earlier blogs, my husband had a heart attack late last summer.  During his incarceration and my subsequent dealings with the hospital, it did indeed feel like a prison to both of us.  I guess having a heart attack was not punishment enough.


First of all, we learned they don’t tell you everything you need to know.  Whether that is part of their plan or an accident, I am not really sure but I think it is part of their plan.  How could they do these events over and over again and make so many “mistakes?”

When they said he would be transferred to another hospital because they weren’t a full service hospital was true.  However, they said he would be going to the other hospital in order to evaluate his treatment options.  What they didn’t say is that neither he or I would be included or have the right to decide what treatment he would have.  That, to me, is a loss of basic human rights.  Do we not have the right to decide our life choices?  Apparently, if you are hospitalized, you lose that right.  Also, when they ask you about drugs you have had problems with in taking, they can decide “if” they will write down that information.  Since they knew what was in store for him at the other hospital and what drugs would be used, they did not write down that painkillers and Versed had adverse side effects.  They purposely put his life in danger because they wanted to be able to use fentanyl and Versed on him.  The helicopter crew gave him fentanyl when he did not need it as the cath labs like to receive their incoming patients drugged and cooperative with what is about to unfold.  That is the long and the short of their actions.   They decide what they will do, how they will do it, and who will be involved.  You are drugged and have no choice.  They also have made the decision on how you live out the rest of your life.   They took a man who believed in natural supplements although he hadn’t taken them in several years and who had no history of daily prescription drug use and made sure he would take some very powerful and damaging drugs for the rest of his life.  That seemed kind of unbelieving and miffed that at his age, he wasn’t already on a regimen of prescription drugs.  Drugs, after all, are big business.  It would be interesting to see how much doctors and hospitals receive from big drug companies for prescribing their miracle drugs that have devastating side effects.  You don’t have a say in prison who your guard is and who knows your business.  It is the same way in a hospital.  You are expected to be okay with whatever staff member they choose to treat you.  They don’t care if men have male nurses but mainly females patients have female nurses for intimate care.  You cannot object when they give your information to people not needing it like the people in the public hallway or a man (non medical)  they assign to your family who will not go.  He hears all your information even though he has been told to leave.  He does not share with your family what is happening to you.  It is a secret for only them to know.  The hospital later says they have a right to have whoever they choose to have your information.  That means if the only person available is a maintenance worker then they’ll send him to your family so he can have and hear all your private health information.  Once you enter their doors, you have no rights be you patient or visitor.


As a prisoner, you have to submit to stripping naked and letting a stranger(s) look your body over, make notes, and probe cavities.  You are then given a uniform to wear so you do not have your own personal clothing.  In a hospital, you are stripped naked.  You submit to strangers looking at your body, taking notes, and probing cavities even watching you pee and poo.  You may be given a flimsy gown or paper to wear.  Then again, like my husband, you may just lay naked and exposed for any and all to see until you become so cold that it affects your physical well-being.  They may choose to give you nothing at all to cover.  Mostly in a prison, the stripping is done in from of same sex onlookers but in a hospital male patients usually have to be naked for female strangers and onlookers.  My husband had 4 females in the cath lab and at least 2 other laughing females in his CCU room alone with him for hours while he was drugged.  And the one admitted that since she wasn’t able to figure out how to not expose him until I came into the room, he was naked and exposed for over 2 hours with these 2 females and all others who came and went from his room.  It is very stressful thinking about what and why they did, and thinking about all the things they could have done that he doesn’t remember.


Prisons decide if and when you can have visitors.  They can keep you in solitary confinement only allowing you to communicate with their chosen staff and not allowing you to communicate with your family.  Hospitals decide when and if you can have visitors.  They may keep you in isolation so you are more likely to be compliant with what they have in store for you and so your family cannot question what they have in store for you.  They also may keep you in isolation because they really don’t care if you see your family or they see you.  My husband was not allowed to see me nor I him before they forced him into having a procedure he had not agreed to nor wanted.  Afterwards, he was kept isolated from us, his family, for more than 2 hours with no reason given.  Usually it takes less than 30 minutes of secrecy to complete a transfer to a patient room.  And why does a transfer have to be done in secrecy?  It is like they think they are transferring a highly dangerous criminal whose gang will try to bust him out during transfer?


Prisons have set meals and set times you can eat.  Hospitals will decide what type of diet they will allow you have.  They will let you order from a selection of bland and tasteless food and make a note if you don’t eat it because it is too nasty to eat.  During my husband’s incarceration, he was told he had to order from a certain group.  However, when he would try to order, they in turn would tell him that food item was not allowed.  If he didn’t replace it with what with the item they deemed acceptable, they would send another gross item in its place not caring whether he wanted it or not.  It is a pattern in a hospital prison of not caring what the patient wants.


At prisons, there may certain times during the day that they conduct roll call or count heads.  At hospitals, they make daily rounds with medical students and other nameless individuals.  Unlike a prison, you may have to be exposed to these strangers as they all have the right to be curious and you are the object on which they are furthering their education in order to make big money.  You, in return, get nothing out of it except having more of your personal dignity stripped away.  In hospitals, they will wake you up to ask if you are sleeping.  They come and go all day and all night.  You never are without them unless you need them.


Prisons have parole hearings where you can go and tell them how you have improved and how sorry you are for whatever you did.  You also know in advance when your sentence is over if there is no parole involved.  In a hospital, you have no idea when they may decide that you can go.  Your family has to be ready at all times to pick you up but yet hospital don’t think having them visit or keeping them informed is important.  They may dangle incentives in front of you so you can leave early such as agreeing to be part of more intrusive programs where they can contact you once you leave the hospital so they may gather more data for their registries.  If you don’t cooperate, chances are you will be leaving later than sooner.  They do not like no for answer.  They discuss the “release from hospital prison” and let you know what they have decided.  As in any parole or release, there are terms you must agree to before they actually let you out.  You must set up appointments and agree to further treatment.  It is like they really can’t let you go without making sure they own you forever.


As you can see, there are many similarities between prisons and hospitals.  The differences between the are striking.  Prisons you don’t have to pay to go to but hospitals you pay huge money in order to be there.  Prisons don’t want you to return but hospitals need for you to return as you are their cash cow.  Prisoners have rights but hospital patients don’t.  Oftentimes, patients are too ill to defend themselves and the laws are stacked against them.  Lawmakers don’t care about hospital patients being abused and mistreated but have passed laws over the years for prison reform.


It is time that reform is done.  Patients should not be treated worse than prisoners.  A patient’s only crime is getting ill.

Cardiac Catheterization Lab Experience

Although you don’t have to be given anything,it is standard operating procedure in the US to be given “conscious sedation”.  Having done my research, I have found a lot of other countries don’t require “conscious sedation.”  We all know that “conscious sedation” is more or less a zombie state that enables them to control you without you remembering much of what happened.  There is really not pain with a cath but rather pressure from the insertion of the different devices such as sheaths.  They say they use painkillers as they don’t want the patient to feel any pain but that was a lie in this case.  I’ll explain later.  They also  used lidocaine to numb one of my husband’s groins but not the other according to the medical records.  The use of lidocaine is probably all that is necessary.  Here is my husband’s story as he was allowed to remember:

He began feeling funny during his ambulance transport.  Once they landed, he felt as though he was floating above and watching what was going on.  He remembers that no one from the hospital from hell was there to greet him- the captive- and his jailers.  They finally flagged down a nurse getting into her car in a parking lot and she badged them in.  They wondered the hall until they finally found some people who directed them to the cath lab.  The ambulance jailers (I call them this as they gave him fentanyl w/o his knowledge and against what he had stated he wanted done) transferred him directly to the cold, metal cath lab table.  He remembers no Informed Consent being given although they say in him medical records that they went through the whole thing.  They say in his medical records multiple times that he was alert to person, place/event, and time.  If this was the case, why wasn’t the Informed Consent signed by him.  Why was it signed by 2 of the heifers 5 minutes after one of the heifers entered it onto the computer systems saying it had been done when in reality, it wasn’t done or signed.  They said it was an emergency and that he had verbally given his approval.  The doctor signature is unreadable and has no date or time.  He was drugged and at that point would have say “yes” anything when prompted correctly.  I am quite sure that are aware of how fentanyl makes a patient react and adjust their questions accordingly.  That is why they like them to have fentanyl prior to arrival as it makes them compliant and unable to think, question, or resist.  The 4 women rn heifers started readying him for what he didn’t know during the time supposedly they were getting Informed Consent.  Informed Consent should be done free from pressure and coercion but apparently laying naked on the procedure table being readied for a procedure you need to give consent to is acceptable to them but confusing to a drugged and intimidating to a opiate drugged individual.  Immediately upon arrival, they stripped him of his clothes without asking or even giving him the chance to do it himself.  They stuffed his clothes into a pink garbage bag (pink is kind of symbolic of the abuse of power by these female heifers–the cath lab is a world ran by women).  They left him naked without a gown or blanket, exposed to a room of people.  How can one give Informed Consent naked, exposed, and drugged?  I know how he is when he has drugs a lot less stronger than fentanyl so I know he was in no position to comprehend or give legal binding consent.  At this point, they were going to make sure he had not totally wasted their Saturday night by being called in and he choosing another method.

He remembers seeing people standing around (the 3 ambulance jailers stayed and watched for awhile as apparently they need to watch their patients when they are naked) and others coming and going.  He remembers hearing some of them talking but he doesn’t remember anyone talking to him.  He remembers one female voice in a mask telling him she was going to shave him.  He wondered why but wasn’t able to vocalize his question as the drugs had done what they intended–to make him cooperative, compliant, and not a problem.  In other words, no patient questions or participation allowed.  She shaved his whole pubic region and thighs not just the little area as described in most cath lab sites.  They also did not cover his penis up from their exposure.  No thought about allowing him his dignity because he was just an object not a human with feelings or considerations.  Most cath labs say in their literature that they respect the patient’s privacy but this also was not the case.  They use drugs such as Versed that erases most memories so they don’t have to respect the patient.  He stay exposed until they finally draped him around for the procedure.  He was probably exposed for around 30 minutes if you judge by the medical records when it actually listed the draping.  He remembers how cold he was and how upset he was that he was exposed without thought to his bodily privacy.  He felt humiliated.  However, the fentanyl had done its job and rendered his thoughts just that–he was unable to find his voice or the energy to resist. 

He remembers the pressure of the sheath insertions but says it did not hurt although the bruises on both groins and his thighs said otherwise.  I have never seen such blackness and the area was about 12 inches in diameter on both groins w/ hard lumps that are still present months afterwards.  He said he was scared, alone, and wondering why and what was happening.  No one communicated or comforted him.  The put 2 more IVs in him so he had a total of 4–2 in each bend of his elbows.  Hospital from hell did not note their IV insertions but the perverted nurse signed that she was present at the original hospital when they inserted it (no–just another lie from her).  He remembers wondering if I had okayed what was happening to him but I hadn’t.  He remembers wanting to see me but couldn’t form the words to ask.  He remembers being scared and cold until he finally started trembling violently.  He remembers seeing the screen of his heart and wondering what was going on.

He remembers after the dr. was gone still laying on the cath table (he laid there for about 50 minutes after the procedure ended according to MRs).  He remembers once again that he was laying there naked, exposed, and cold.  He remembers a female heifer voice telling him they were going to do some suturing and it would hurt a lot.  (Remember their reasoning for conscious sedation is for the patient to feel no pain–well that’s a big lie.)  He remembers even in his fog, how badly the suturing of 3 areas hurt.  They chose not to use any numbing agent as they for some reason wanted it to hurt.  Maybe because as the doctor told me, they really resented being there on a Saturday night.  (So remember that you should schedule having a heart attack during weekday hours.)  He remembers eventually being transferred, still naked, to a gurney.  He remembers them throwing a gown and then a blanket over him.  He remembers them telling him he would get to see his family shortly.  That too was a lie as it wasn’t until well over 2 hours later that we finally flagged down someone so we could find out what had happened to him.  They apparently didn’t care about his mental well being either. 

By the way heifer is the nicest term I can consistently call these RNs.  Because of the Versed and fentanyl, his memories are limited.  He did hypnosis sessions that helped him regain these.  The sessions were very traumatic for him and me but he and I needed answers.  The hypnotist was very careful as to not suggest things to him but rather let him tell his story at his own pace.

Now I know that some may have issues with this story.  We have issues with this story as it is what happened to my husband.   This story should never have happened to him.  I want to tell this story to others because I want them to be aware of what can happen.  This may be the exception to the rule or this may happen more often than we realize.  I don’t know but I do know it can and did happen so everyone should be aware.  We weren’t and this is the result.  Mistreatment, abuse, and the lack of Informed Consent.  Everytime I think or tell this story, I cry because these medical things were so cruel, abusive, and violating to especially my husband.  What I suffered pales in comparison.  The drugs weren’t necessary as he is a big boy and if he had been allowed to exercise his basic human right to freedom to choose his treatment, he would have been okay w/o the drugs.  

He will never be the same again because of what they did to him physically and emotionally.  He had a procedure done without his consent.  The cath lab RNs were abusive, sexually inappropriate, and had a total lack of compassion for him.  If he had been female, this type of over exposure would not have happened.  If he had been female patient, then that female patient would not have been left alone and drugged with 4 male RNs.  They would have kept a female covered up.  I might mention that the transferring hospital sent paperwork to this large Catholic hospital that my husband was gay by stating his spouse was a “husband.”  This may be what prompted him receiving this violative and abusive treatment.  Or it could be that some female nurses like to torture and control especially older males for some sort of issue they suffer from emotionally.

I will say that having seem pictures of some of these heifers, they look like to me they could have issues with me.  One of them, the scrub, when I saw her had the most unpleasant, ugly expression on her overly made-up face.  Her face could launch a thousand nightmares.  If you think I am being unkind, it was earned by them so I will not apologize or even feel somewhat bad about my personal remarks.  They don’t deserve any humanity as they give none in their care.

The Beginning of Visiting Hell on Earth

Our journey into the deep bowels of hell began one evening in the summer of 2018.  My husband had had shortness of breath for a while.  He had gone to see a nurse practitioner because of the shortness of breath.  She did the tests and gave him some medicines for bronchitis.  The symptoms were relieved for a while but then came back.  He didn’t think much about it as he always has congestion due to allergies and we both know that medicines and medical intervention rarely cure anything completely.  My husband had prostate cancer and knows the “cure” causes other severe issues.  He also knew that the “cure” for the “cure” needs its own “cure” and so on.  Just watch any prescription drug commercial on tv.

On the evening of his heart attack, I found him leaning over the seat of the sofa in pain, rolling back and forth.  I told him he needed emergency help as I felt he was having a heart attack.  He said he didn’t think so as he was known to have back spasms due to old injuries.  We live in the country so I knew by the time an ambulance would have arrived that I could have him at the local hospital. The pain had lessened and I was able to get there very quickly.

We arrived at SS School ER.  They immediately took him in and began working with him.  They asked him questions such as what his pain level was at the moment and what had been his pain level at the worst of his attack.  During the worst which had been at home when he was on his knees leaning over the seat of the couch moaning in pain he told them ithad been at a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10.  They were asking him questions from a form and writing down/computing the answers.  They asked him about medicine allergies and he told them he knew of no allergies but has always had very little toleration for pain medicines as they totally incapacitate him for days.  They can make his blood pressure drop or raise, dizziness, and have out of body experiences.  He requested they give him as little as possible because of their ill effects.  They started an IV.  They gave him 4 more chewable aspirin (now I know too how many to give as I had given him one at home).  They also told him they were going to give him morphine in the IV and nitro tablets for the pain.  He agreed to that.  They also drew blood, did multiple EKGs, and a chest x-ray.  Everything seemed to be going well.  They seemed knowledgeable and kind.  The morphine didn’t seem to make into a total zombie.

Eventually, the doctor reached the conclusion that my husband had had a heart attack.  A few years ago,  the main school  had decided that our community did not need a full service hospital. So although it still had an ER, they could not fully treat and had to stabilize and send on.  They said he needed more care then they could give.  We both knew that he did not want to go to a school hospital as they are teaching hospitals so Rancidcan was the closest hospital that offered cardiac care 24/7 as far as we knew.  They mentioned that he might need different medicines, cardiac catheterization, open heart surgery, etc.  They also said they had asked for an ambulance or DeadCircle Air Ambulance.  It would be whichever would arrive first.  However, I think they had already decided it would DeadCircle. They said they would make the arrangements with Rancidcan. Several more times he was asked what his pain level was and he would reply a 1 out of 10 and describe it as being as dull ache.

By the time DeadCircle had arrived, my husband was not really in pain but was in discomfort.  The meds were working.  I had called our son and he had arrived by this time.  DeadCircle loaded my husband up and it took about 10 to 15 minutes for them to actually take flight.  I was told I couldn’t go with him so my son and I left for Rancidcan. Rancidcan is about 36 minutes away but that night it didn’t take as long.   SS Hospital told us to go to the ER desk and ask for him.  They didn’t know if he would be admitted through ER or directly into Cardiac Care.

From what I had experienced so far at SS Hospital, I thought everything was being done right and was thankful that they had stabilized him.  However, once we received his medical records, we realized that not everything was as we had thought.

When asked about the medicine allergies, he had answered he had no allergies per se but had a very low tolerance to any type of pain medicine and told what happens.  He also told them he would be essentially be a functioning zombie for days.  They made him foggy, lowered his blood pressure (sometimes raised it), dizzy, etc.  We didn’t think anything more about it as he had told them and they seemed to making notes.  With the morphine and nitro, his pain level was more a dull ache being at 1 out of 10.  Of course, he was still short of breath and still wondering if all of this was real.  I know when I looked at him I could tell he was deep in thought.

Upon viewing his medical records from SS Hospital, I discovered that they had not made note of his pain medicine intolerance and his request that it would be used very sparingly.  I now wonder why so many questions are asked when clearly that don’t care about the replies or sometimes just flat out don’t listen.  In fact, I wonder if medical people don’t intentionally give pain killers in the hopes of extending their drug addiction services in the future or make it so they don’t have to deal with the patient?  It is a thought.  Healthy people don’t need as many medical services so there would not be as many medical jobs.  It seems making people totally healthy could be considered a conflict of interest—their own.  It also seems that when people are drugged that they are more quiet and allow medical people more control over them.

Progressing through these medical records, I came across the part completed by DeadCircle.  Up to this point in life, I had respected the work that paramedics and emts do.  Now I do not.  Here is what they wrote in their initial assessment of him:

“On arrival an initial assessment by DC4 crew, the patient was found in semi-fowler’s position on the referring’s ED cot.  He was A/Ox3 and appeared to be in pain.  He c/o CP 8/10 at this time.  ….he spoke full sentences without distress.  He did c/o sob and would moan occasionally”.

First off, I was in the ER bay with my husband.  He did not have a look of pain on his face but rather a look of a man that was overwhelmed by what had happened and of happenings to come.  He was not all sunshine and lollipops but I would have thought that would have been an abnormal reaction.  He was not comfortable of course.  He had been given multiple Ekgs with the probes being applied, removed, applied, removed, applied, IVs, and the news that he had had a heart attack and needed more care and what care was still debatable at least to what we though.  I also heard him say that his pain level was a 1 out of 10 and it was just a dull ache.  He did not have a pain level of 8.  In the midst of the actual heart attack at home, it was only a 7.  With a 7 pain level, he was on the floor bending and rolling over the seat of the couch and with verbal pain sounds.  In the ER, he was sitting on the gurney breathing heavily as had been the norm for him for about 2 weeks.  He was not on the floor nor was he moaning in pain.  He has always had a slight noise (like a sigh)maybe a little moan when he breathes as he has bad allergies or when he is deep in thought.  He spoke in full sentences because he was not in great pain.  Since this is an example of their patient evaluation skills then I will take my chances and do without their services.  Clearly, their assessment skills are lacking or maybe they just like to lie.  It is also that most cath. labs like for their patients to arrived drugged as they do not have to deal with the patient resisting by asking questions.

DeadCircle said his pain level prior to their arrival was 8.  Again, absolutely false.  There is no documentation in the medical records from SS Hospital to substantiate this claim.  Again, I was sitting there and he did not say 8 but 1 and dull ache.  Again at 10:40 and 10:48, they falsely claimed his pain level was at 8 out of 10.  He wasn’t rolling on the floor or screaming in pain.  In fact, he himself said he just felt discomfort or a dull ache on DeadCircle until he felt no discomfort or ache at all.  No discomfort or ache at all—I bet you are wondering why.  That is because at 10:53 before they even took off, they gave him 100mcg of Fentanyl in his IV without his knowledge.  My husband said they did not ask him about pain in the helicopter because he had on protective headphones and he couldn’t hear anything over the roar of the helicopter.  He said he could not even hear the crew talk.  He said that on the 12 minute ride that he was deep in thought.  He said he was never in pain worse than he had been before he went to the ER.  He wasn’t even aware of the Fentanyl until we had discovered it in his medical records.

This begs the question of why?  Do they routinely give people such potent opiate drugs?   For whose convenience is it being done—theirs or the patient?  My husband certainly did not want such a drug.  What if he had been a recovering opiate user?  They could have carelessly ruined his life without much thought on their part.  What if he was a person that just one dose of a drug can trigger an addiction gene?  He wasn’t pain—it was only 1 or a dull ache.

Once DeadCircle landed, my husband said they had to flag down some Rancidcan employee to let them in the building as they could not gain entry.  According to DeadCircle, “the receiving facility was notified about 10 minutes out of our arrival but the crew was slightly delayed on arrival (delays related to gaining entry into the hospital and attempting to locate the cath lab once a nurse in the parking lot badged us in) because security had been told to expect a ground transfer not air and were not on hand when the crew arrived at the helipad.”  Of course, Rancidcan blames SS Hospital but SS Hospital and Rancidcan had been in communication since 10:22 about my husband’s admittance to Rancidcan.  SS Hospital stated they had been talking with a physician by the name of Saar Paul.  They didn’t get his real name correct so I will use it.  What I really call him is not printable.  Quack is just about the nicest I can get about that physician graduate of School of Dentistry and Medicine (notice that medicine is last).  They also said they discussed the case with a cardiologist called Shearer.  Again, SS Hospital got his name wrong.  You may see a pattern here that SS Hospital fails to hear things properly.  Remember his real pain level was a 1 not 8.   I don’t care whose fault it was.  The fact is they both contributed to this Laurel & Hardy routine of ineptness.  And furthermore, we are not laughing.  I think both SS School Hospital and DeadCircle have been negligent in their care.

At 11:18p, DeadCircle put down for their last recording of his pain level that it was a 1 out 10.  That’s what he maintained he had all along until he had none and he felt he was living in slow motion because of DeadCircle basically spiking his IV with an opiate.  On the hand-off sheet to Rancidcan, DeadCircle noted the 100mcg of Fentanyl.  DeadCircle also noted that he was alert—oriented to event, person, place and time and skin was warm and dry at 22:38 when they first came into contact with him.  However, they stated on the hand-off sheet they said he was diaphoresis (excessive sweat) as a diagnosis but on the same hand-off they said under the skin category that his that his skin was warm and dry.   Again, what drugs are they on?  Does the crew of DeadCircle alternate between reality and make-believe at the drop of a hat or less?  Maybe they like to hedge their bets so they have all bases covered?  On the same evaluation paper, they cannot get their assessment to agree.  Either he was excessively sweating or his skin was warm and DRY.  To me, this DeadCircle  crew doesn’t know what they are doing.

Upon revisiting the issue of DeadCircle giving my husband Fentanyl and SS School Hospital neglecting to make a notation of his pain killer intolerance, I would like to make a few points.  My husband presented with chest pain and shortness of breath.  He, as he maintains, was doing fine at a pain level of about 1 out of 10 as it was just a dull ache.  He did not ask for more pain killers but was given more without his consent or knowledge.   The DeadCircle crew decided to give him a large dose of Fentanyl for only reasons they really know.  Fentanyl itself can cause tightness of chest, difficulty breathing, rapid or slow heartbeat, convulsions, chest pain, nausea, rapid breathing, trouble breathing, sweating, cough, severe sleepiness, trouble concentrating, coldness and confusion.  They gave this to a man who had already said he has intolerance to pain killers and he has never has he taken one this strong.  He had also told SS Hospital that pain killers mess with his blood pressure.  How utterly careless of them!  Although both morphine and fentanyl are both opiates, fentanyl is 100 times stronger than morphine.  So they gave fentanyl on top of the morphine without his permission and against what he had already told SS School Hospital.

The DeadCircle crew assisted in the transfer of my husband directly onto the cath lab table.  They said there was a physician at bedside. Who that was, we don’t know as Rancidcan records are lacking.  It may have been Saar Paul or Shearer.  Rancidcan seems to feel that patients do not have the right to know about their care and who is providing the care.  But that is a story for another blog.  We also don’t know how long the DeadCircle crew stayed in the cath. lab.  It appears they were there 31 minutes.  So what did they do?  There was no reason for them to stay that long as the cath. lab had enough people in it or do they merely like to stay around and watch?  It must have been a 3-ring circus with my husband as the main attraction, naked and exposed.  I was the only one it seems that was not allowed information about my husband, to see him, or help him in his decision process.   Is my attitude sarcastic?  You bet.  This horror story has only just begun.

We both feel that SS School Hospital and DeadCircle are major contributors in the traumatic events that are yet to come.  We both feel they have forever damaged our faith in the healthcare system to do the right thing or even want intervention from them.  I know that I will never seek medical care. My husband is very leery about further medical intervention and that is bad because he is a heart attack survivor with no thanks from any of the above mentioned medical systems.    In fact, it is a testament to his strong will to survive that he is still here.  I thank my lucky stars that he did not let them discourage him or force him to give up because of their inhumane treatment.  The actions of SS School Hospital, DeadCircle, and Rancidcan Health has put undue stress on not only him but me.  Part of the changes they say he needs to make in his life is to eliminate stress but they have stacked it on him by their actions.

Why have I told this ugly, scary story?   Because I feel people need to be made aware of what can happen.  Medicine thrives on being mysterious.  They believe that once you enter their doors what happens to you is their choice and theirs alone.  They do not feel that you have the right to know and that you are not entitled to make decisions about your own bodies.    They may have tons of attorneys but what I have stated is from their “legal medical records” and I do have the right to freedom of speech although I am sure they disagree.   My husband has gone through hypnosis to get back memories that were purposely erased by Rancidcan.  He has done this to try to gain the control that they took away from him.  No one has the right to take away your memories!   I will talk about this issue more in another blog.  More people who have suffered at the hands of the medical community need to speak up!  The only way they will change is if they are forced.  Ultimately, it is our life and our body.  We need to take back control.  Medical people only provide services.  Mechanics, waitresses, teachers, etc. provide services and sadly we oversee their deeds more than we oversee the services done directly to our bodies.